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"I can't think of anything we need more than a reason to remember all we have to be thankful for," Margo said."I can't think of anything we need less than to lie to ourselves," Carol said, breaking into tears and running from the table.Her feet carried her along a familiar path, down into the basement, to look at the murals and redecoration that had driven Harry out of the hole in the ground and into the house above ... and then away. This time, she thought she'd stay a while.Margo had explained it to her, made it clear he seriously needed to be alone, and maybe once upon a time, Carol could have understood that, both emotionally and intellectually.But now she'd brought the hole in herself to the hole below the house, closed the door behind her, engaging all but the final lock, and sat in roughly the middle of the vast underground space and screamed until she couldn't scream anymore, then sobbed almost soundlessly until she was exhausted.Lying on the hall floor she slept, her dreams. He read my mind. I can’t believe this is happening.I used to think that virginity was something that had to be savoured until marriage. That’s just the way it went when I was young but now that I’ve grown up and found this new dimension of myself, the marriage doesn’t matter. Neither does the wedding, reception or nuptuals. It’s the person. Only the person. Not the world around you, not the cars going by. Sometimes it’s just you and him and the rain. That’s how I felt that day.I hung up the phone, pretending things were normal. ‘Dad said he’ll be another hour. And I told him that I’ll get sommore shopping done but I think I’m skint!’‘Well, Jude, maybe we can spend time together that will be a Chrimbo present for you. Want to leave?’Thumpthumpthumpbzzzbzzzbzzz goes my heart again. ‘Of course. I’m baking in here it’s getting much too hot.’ We left, our fingers gently yet tightly interweaving. It felt so damn good to have a man hold my hand. I felt the roughness of labour yet the.
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